How to Become a Theatre Marketing Expert, (or "How to Shoot Fish in a Barrel")

After years of careful observation, I offer the following 5-step sure-fire path to building a successful career in marketing theatre and performing arts (which of course includes the fat consulting gigs):

1. Go to the most expensive college you can afford and make lots of friends. You'll need these connections for step two. (If you can manage to start earlier in a prestigious prep-school, that is also helpful).
2. Get a marketing internship or an entry-level job at a well-known, popular, well-funded, and successful theatre company (this is where you use the college connections).
3. Get a promotion at the successful company, or move to a higher position in another really well-known, well-funded theatre company. (Repeat this step as often as needed).
4. Hope that the artistic director doesn't go sideways on you ("The Paper Mill Effect").
5. Don't screw anything up.

If you follow these five simple steps, I personally guarantee you will enjoy a successful career as a theatre marketing guru. You should not expect to make a great deal of money, but you should be able to live comfortably.

Most of your compensation will be the sense of fulfillment you get when the neophytes of our business stop to drink at the well of your hard-won knowledge of the intricacies of attracting an audience down a well-worn path to a popular venue to see familiar works.

Enjoy!